I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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