Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
