Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
