didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
