Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
