drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
