Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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