I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Randomize
