Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
