cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
