I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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