So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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