Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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