He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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