i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
