no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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