I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
