I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
