Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
