Is it normal to miss your booty call?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
