How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
