dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
