I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
