he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
