I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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