maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
