I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
