Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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