Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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