Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
