I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
