can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
