You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
