Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
