Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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