Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
