Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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