Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You made out with two different species that night
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
