Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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