her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
