omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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