Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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