A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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