All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
