i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
