Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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