Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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