At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
