I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
