She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
