Where is the hickey?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
