just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
